It’s Chocolate time again.

Okay – so I just ate some chocolate. It wasn’t really chocolate as such, but chocolate covered raspberry licorice (that isn’t really proper licorice as such either). I am a woman/girl thing, and I eat chocolate. Yup, it’s really scary to say that because there’s a part of me that hates being a woman/girl thing, and I never used to like chocolate ever. I was rather proud of the not-liking-chocolate thing, and didn’t quite understand why most of my girlfriends seemed to have a loving relationship with the stuff.

Then my hormones up and changed. I have mucky hormones, they’ve been a bit all over the place, but the last year or so I think they have reverted back to ‘normalish’ woman type behaviour. Chocolate BarThis is a bit of a first for me, and I don’t like it much. Except the little part of my brain that says I really like chocolate at that *ahem* particular time of the month. You know, the 4, 5, 6 days leading up to that time – the days when I like to think I’m an angel hiding in a beastly ogre-ish psychotic eat/you/all/up suit? Not a very pretty picture is it. Although I really do try to be nice and thoughtful and kind, but for those 4, 5, 6 days leading up to that time, it’s a very thin veil of ‘nice’ no matter how hard I try.

I stopped smoking almost 2 years ago, good girl am I for doing that. It was tough, but I’m incredibly happy I did it. Now, before that I was diagnosed with a nice little hormonal [syndrome/disease/congenital thing]. It’s made my hormonal balance be a tad more of the boy, and less of the girl. Often this had many advantages, I won’t go into all of that though. But I really truly think that when I stopped smoking, my body started to balance itself out more. I’m no doctor or nurse, and it may be bullshit, or a timely coincidence. But my gut feeling is that the no smoking meant less boy, and way more girl. I am now (not so proudly as I have yet to accept it) the owner of crying on a whim, a nice layer of woman fat, crying some more, a not so wanting (that’s my nice way of putting it, does it sound nice?) and terribly disappointing sex drive, and really wanting chocolate at that particular time of the month.

I now understand. I had a dream with a chocolate themed purchase in it last night. I was kindly supplied with chocolatey things by my love today which I devoured with not so lady-like crunches and munches. I made up a ditty in the car about chocolate. My ‘layer’ of woman fat isn’t helped by said devouring either. Later I alas might cry over something, although I’m feeling rather relaxed after the chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate.

This will pass. Probably by tomorrow or the next day, only to surface again, and again, and again. I’m not sure if I need to embrace these new girl hormones or lament the boy ones I miss…


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